Oh, the dreaded sex talk. I knew from the time they were born that the day would come when we would need to talk openly about the birds and the bees, but I feared the awkwardness of it. Until one day an acquaintance of mine who had older children gave me some wonderful advice. She told me the best place to have the talk is in the car. That way you don’t have to look them in the eye! Excellent!
So, the day that the subject came up was much sooner than I expected. My son was about 6 and my daughter was 4. I was planning to go out that night with some girlfriends (good godly Christian women, mind you) and was letting my kids know that I would be out late that night and dad would be watching them. We were in the car coming home from an outing (thank you, Lord, for setting that up!)
So, when I told them I was going to a movie, my son (aka my conscience) asks, “What is this movie rated?” Chuckling to myself I replied, “I think it’s PG.” (back then I don’t even think there was a PG-13). He continues, “Will there be cussing in this movie?” To which I answer, “Probably. But that makes me sad because cussing is a sin and it’s wrong.” (such a good spiritual answer, right?) He then asks, “Will they be taking the name of the Lord in vain?” Oh, dear. Now I’m starting to have to think about these answers so I say, “Unfortunately, they probably will. Most movies and TV shows take God’s name in vain.” And then we have a little talk about how much God hates that and how we always need to be careful to never misuse His name. See how I was trying to turn this into a lesson and let myself off the hook? I’m still pretty happy with this conversation. But then. . .
Here’s where it really gets tricky. He then asks, “Will there be any making babies in this movie?” Now I’m speechless. What???? My head kind of twitches. My mind races. He expounds, “You know what I mean, mom. Will there be. . . sex?” Yikes!!! What the heck? How does my 6 year old know that word?? Where has he heard this? My mind is reeling! Before I can say a word, He proceeds to tell me, “I know all about it.” Now I’m really spinning and my jaw has dropped. Dear Lord, help me! He says, “John told me all about it.” (John is a cousin a year older than my son, and he was a bit more knowledgeable about the world than my 2 home schooled kids). So I cautiously ask him, “What exactly has John told you?” And he says, “John says it’s when a man and a woman take off all their clothes and get in the bed together and rub their private parts together. But I know that’s not right. Is it mom?”
Oh mercy. Here we go. We’re in the car. Check. He has brought it up. Check. I’ve gotta go through with this, but my mind is racing and I’m so flustered and unprepared. . . I thought I had more time!
So, I tell them that John is partly right and then I go through the whole deal (I made it a little more PG than R rated due to their ages) about how a man and a woman who are married actually do take off their clothes and I proceeded to give them the not so graphic version of “rubbing their privates together” and explain that this is how we get babies. To which he gasps, “MOM! Do you mean you and dad have done that TWICE?” He was appalled!!! Chuckling to myself, I say, “Yes, and when you get older you will want to do that with your wife. This is how God designed it, etc. etc. He starts talking about how gross that is (as a 6 year old should think it to be!), to which I so wisely respond that it does seem gross now, but when he gets older it won’t seem gross and he will actually enjoy it. (I’m feeling pretty good about how I’m handling all of this at this point). He says, “I guess if I HAVE to do that with my wife in order to have kids I will, but I’m not going to like it.” So after I so tenderly tell them how it’s beautiful and pleasurable and God made it special for a husband and wife and all that jazz, my daughter—4 years old—who has not said a single word this whole time pipes up and says, “It doesn’t sound that gross to me!” My heart just about stopped! I turn around in my seat (we had just pulled in the garage at home) and said, “Well, it IS gross!” (Right there, all my wisdom and soundness of mind flew right out the window!) I reminded them, “it’s only between a man and a woman. And only when they are married. Do you understand?” To which they respond, “Yes, ma’am”. “AND,” I tell them, “this is NOT to be discussed with your friends OR cousins. This is a conversation that parents need to have with their kids. Now, pinky promise me that you won’t talk to anyone else about this. If one of your friends says anything about sex, you can say, ‘I know what it is but you will have to ask your mom or dad about it.’ Clear? Pinky promise me?” To which they both pinky promised me and I went inside to collapse from the emotional stress and to try to recover from this 7 minute ordeal.
Fast forward 2 weeks later. . .
Being the good mom I am (and having experienced the remarkably short memories of my children over certain things), I asked them if they remembered our pinky promise about the sex conversation. They both agreed they did indeed remember it. So I go a bit further and ask, “Have either of you talked to anyone else about it?” My son gives an emphatic, “NO!” (He’s still caught up in how gross it is). However. . . my daughter, bless her heart, says, “Weellllllll. . . .” Oh, no. I was afraid of this. . . She very maturely explains to me, “Well, Casey (her 4 year old best buddy) said sexy meant pretty and I told her it did NOT mean pretty.” She and Casey apparently got into a bit of an argument about what sexy meant and my dear daughter decided it was her duty to set Casey straight. So, she told her some details about what sexy meant. To which I responded wearily, “Sexy DOES sort of mean pretty, honey. It’s a completely different word than sex.” And so, I go through the whole pinky promise and how she was supposed to tell her friend to talk to her mom, etc. I then had to make the awkward call to Casey’s mom to tell her what had happened. Oh, the shame. . .Thankfully, the mom was gracious and said it was probably time to have the talk anyway so this was a good opportunity. Bless her!
Mom’s, you probably won’t do it all perfectly, but just be intentional about talking to your kids. Keep the communication lines open. You may be very surprised at what they know that you don’t know they know. Your conversations won’t always be pretty and you won’t always sound or respond like an educated psychologist, but just do your best and keep pressing on! (And I hope you get the opportunity to have the talk in the car as well!)